Something Existing

It's been a long time I didn't stand under the rain. I always told myself that it's the last time I soak myself with pouring rain. It's freezing, but I never did what I told myself. That night, I did it again. I stood in the middle of the alley, faced up, and tried to figure how long I could look into the rain without blinking my eyes. But I never did it for too long, because my eyes are afraid of water, even I am having my glasses on.

Sometimes, I like to imagine myself standing under the rain, facing up with my open-arms as if I am hugging every drop. And then I will turn round and round slowly as if I am a carousel, but in a very slow motion. I would dance slow with the music, Glittering Blackness, and what the most in the picture is a black hair dog standing right next to me, and she also face up to the sky.

Don't take away what's left from you
The way you smile

People say women are made by water, and it also means they cry a lot, so you gotta protect them. However, men mostly hate to see women cry!

My ex hate to see me cry, especially when I cried or mad, I don't talk. I guess it's quite normal for Asian to stay silence, and me, I was a very particlur case because I was totally that type person! And the worest is that my ex is a foreigner who prefers to talk. Of course, culture differences casued a lot of fights in this relationship, and what I learned from this relationship is that my English was improved via fighting. Ha...he hated me a lot when I don't talk, and God knows that I don't really talk a lot when I can speak my mother language, so he shouldn't expect me to talk more when it comes to English! Therefore, when we fought, I just blocked myself and he would be so pissed off, or when I cried, he hated me more by not telling why! We had this period that both of us couldn't understand what the others' want, and then by a teacher's assisted/consulted, we started to know what we should do when it comes to this kinda situation. It's all because he didn't Asian way, and I don't want to fit in his foreign way! However, one thing he would never learn before we broke up is how to comfort your girlfriend when she cries!

When talking about tears, I was an expert because I cried a lot. However, I was also an expert to hold my tears. My personal record to hold my tears is 2 months. It is funny that when people are abroad alone, tears will come much by something small.

One time when I was in China, I cried for something funny.

Five years ago, we had an interesting year, because many things happened.

My aunt past away due to cancer, and all of our family was so busy helping my uncle to handle everything. After 2 months, my grandpa past away. And at the same time, I was busy applying for the program to study in USA as an exchange student. What a busy year....but the most dramatic part isn't any of them, it is my second brother's marriage.

Long time ago, there is a statistics shows that one out of four couples has got divorced in Taiwan. More and more people choose not to get married, and more and more people choose not to have their own children. Gradually, the tradition we so called has been changed; to get married or to have kid is no longer a necessary stage in our life. People have studies about how this happen, and they discover some reasons, such as modern society makes people prefer quality life, women want more to live their own life more independently, and now, we have this new excuss that the economic is bad, cannot afford to have kid or get married; or, they don't believe in marriage or they don't want to get divorced.

People I know who got divorced for reasons that I believe non of us wants it to happen. My oldest cousin got divorced after 13 years marriage, because her husband cheated on her with their next-door neighbor. When they agreed to sing the divorce paper, all of our family were there with her, to defense and protect her. The process of divorcing didn't look good at all, but at least, we made to the final process and helped my cousin to get through it in a little bit better way.

Perhaps, I am just a weirdo to think in that way, but it can be true tho!

Few years ago, I had a shabu shabu as dinner with my teammates at work. One of them brought her fiance who we heard of his name for a long long time but never really seen him in person, at least not his whole face because whenever he came to pick up my coworker at work, he always wears his big ass helmet which covers most of his face.

It's been a long time I did not do something new, maybe it's since I left USA. I meant did something that I never thought of doing it for some/no purpose. A lot of time, I just do what I should do, it's more like a routine. Wake up, brush my teeth, read newspaper, eat breakfast, (go to work), eat lunch, (take a nap maybe), have a cup of tea, eat dinner, watch movies, read some book, chat online, write my blog, and then go to sleep. Nothing special, nothing particulary.

Thus, the most breakthrough recently was that I went to temple to pray for a red line. And I shared this thing with me best friend, G, who is a totally European knows nothing about Taiwanese culture (probably a little bit about Japanese because of porns...oops, sorry.)

The old man under the moon is an old man appearing in an old Chinese story, and is a synonym for the god of marriage or a matchmaker.

So, that's the temple I planned to go today, but I took off to another temple instead because the temple I planned to go intend to charge people some money which both of me and my friend couldn't afford at this moment. Well, that's because we all fired our boss at the same week. ha~

I have a date tomorrow with a girl friend who used to work with me. She is over 30 years old without a boyfriend, so I thought why not to invite her.

Last week, I was chatting with my cousin who ran his ass back to Taiwan from China like I did three months ago. But it only took him 10 days to leave everything behind, me....I took almost 2 months to get the hell away from that hell. Anyways, he's back to Taiwan for over 5 months, and didn't really intend to find a job so far. I was chatting with him to see how's everything going, and he knows very well how much I want to get my ass out of my mom's control, too. Thus, we were making joke like maybe he could take me with him to go traveling, and then we could split when we arrive some other country. Therefore, he could help me to get the hell away and find my Mr. right there. However, he also mentioned something that maybe I should give it a try!