Something Existing

Since I finished my trip back to Taiwan, I started to look for job and after couple months of searching, I finally found a way to meet an agency who is willing to have a short interview with me to see if she could find me a proper position. Our meeting will be on Jan. 8, next week.
To be honest, I have no big confidence on myself to find a job I want here. It's not easy in many different ways, such as language and experience. It's Montreal so you need to speak French. As for experience, who would want to hire a not-enough-experience coming from outside of Canada? I understand all the prospectives and all the difficulties but I still have to try. The girl of the agency told me on the phone that their clients wish to have someone have experience within Canada. I understand but I need some chances. I explained to her my situation and it's actually a good start that she is willing to hear me out in person about my experience.

After having the phone conversation with her, in my mind, I started to have all those questions I might have from here and what I shall answer. I have to say that it might be my only chance to get things start to turn and it makes me extremely nervous. I also understand the consequence will be just nothing is gonna happen but I still have to grab hard on this chance.

It's been 8 months I live here and graduatelly, I realized more and more things here. And most of them, I do not understand why they would choose to do this.
Most of people here choose NOT to get married but they live together, rent the place together, or even they but a house together. And yes, they do not get married, no wedding, no shit but yes, they have kids together, of course. It's a little bit hard to imagine the reason why they do it like this. To avoid the heavy responsibility? To try to live together to see if it's fit? To not give it a shit about the "paper" that tight them together? Or, it's just a fashion here?
I am not sure, maybe they have their own reasons to do so, maybe because they have other options.

Last night, I had this weird dream. I saw an airplane crashed in front of me, the airplane lost her power and she was trying so hard to land on the ground but she didn't make it. And when she finally hitted the ground, everything explored. I used my body to cover a kid from getting hurt. It didn't casue a lot of fire but the plane was crashed on the grass, instead of into the buildings. I even went to take a look at the airplane and good thing is I didn't see anybody, but just a crashed plane with those seats exposed. It was crashed into two pieces and you don't really see the head of the airplane at all. It's gone!
I don't understand why I have a dream like this because I don't remember I saw any movie about airplane lately. But I remember that I was trying everything to protect the kid I do not know and even find the kid way back home. And when I woke up from the dream, I felt myself was still feeling it, as if the dream was real and it took me another 5 mins to realize that it's only a dream and then finally, got rid of that weird feelings.

To care about your family, you are not only care about their feeling, healthy, everything but also you should share and enjoy things together. Sharing, for me, in Taiwan's culture is very important. Sometimes, you go out and find some good food, you would buy some and bring them home to share with your family because you want them to feel the "happiness" as you enjoyed the food. You sometimes buy gifts because those gifts make you think about them and that's maybe the way you show them your careness. Of course, these gifts don't have to cost a lot but the point is, it shows that you miss them and you care about them.
For example:
A lot of time, my nephews and niece told me he likes a lot the animal cake I bought him the other day so whenever I see someone is selling them, I would usually buy some for them.
When I took a walk with my mom outside after dinner, we found some breads that look delicious, we would buy some more to bring back and share with everyone, or just buy each one a bread as next day's breakfast.
When my mom goes to outdoor market, she would remember to buy some food that we love to eat.
When my sister-in-law goes to visit other places, she would remember to bring the special food back to share with us. 

  
Remember that day I arrived Montreal, it was winter and of course, snowing. Freezing like the city is in silence but yet, on the street, there were still many people finishing partying and trying to get on the night bus to go home. That day, I was standing on the street, feeling cold, breathing cold, and not sure what's gonna happen after. We steped into the bus, nothing I could really see through the windows because it's too cold outside, and there was heater inside. Everyone on that bus was wearing heavy boots, melting water was everywhere and the color was black. You could even see the snow on the boots and get ready to be melted by the heater. I was curious to see everyone's face but at the same time, I was afraid that it would be offensive to do so. I did not know where I was and was wondering how people know which one is their stop because there's no sign in the bus to tell you the name of the stop and it was so dark outside to tell.
Finally, it's our stop on St-Denis. We got out of the bus with the street all silence and cold. Water was everywhere and the ground was slipper. The street lights were red and somehow, it looked like the street was red like on fire and the coldness made the street look sad. I didn't know where we were heading but he told me, it's not far in the front. Like last time, two years ago, I watched his back and followed him to our destination!
Stepped into the apartment, it was the warmness welcomed me. It's not big but it doesn't look sad, finally. He showed me the room and said proudly that he finally doesn't live in the basement any more. The room was neat, apparently he cleaned everything the day before. It was 2am in the morning on December 22 in Montreal and I made a phone call back to Taiwan to tell my mom that I arrived well and sound.
I got through my second Christmas in America, I got through the whole winter in Montreal, and I got through the whole summer here. Now I am soaking in the cold wind in August, thinking that how come the summer is gone already, especially it's just about the end of August. Sky already look so grey everyday and the sun shine doesn't seem to be found easily as before. On the street, most of the people still dress short to enjoy the last few chances to get tanned but some are already covering themselves to defend the stronge wind.

They called this culture difference......
Have you ever said to your parents that you love them?? Me, I don't think I did it before so people asked me why....Well, I don't know why but I would feel bizard if I say that to my parents tho. Yes, most of Asians do not do that and why, maybe because they are shy, maybe because they never did that before!!
Yes, it may be because of culture difference!!
But it also depends on the family. Like my cousin's family, they hug each other since they were kids so they got used to it even they are much older now. Maybe they would feel a bit shy to do that in public but still, they feel more comfortable to do that than others.

Since I was a kid, I have my own table to put my own stuffs and do my own things. And until we moved to another apartment, I started have my own room and everything, so I didn't really know the feeling when you have no your own place. Like my cousin, she lives with her parents, her brother, and also her grand-parents in a not-very-big appartment and she always admire me because I have my own room. I didn't really know her feeling but finally I started to understand.
After my brother got married, because the parents of my sister-in-law would help to take care of their kid, so my brother moved to live in with them. A lot of time, he told me that he doesn't expect too much that time but he just wanna have his own table so that he could put his own stuffs there and do his own things. Again, I didn't understand his feeling well and after he got his own apartment, I still didn't "really" understand why he has this happy face. His happiness seems more than that. But now, I understand why.....
I've been Canada for more than 6 months, living with my hubby. It's his apartment and he has quite many stuffs and mine were mostly left behind in Taiwan so I didn't ask too much space for myself. First, all my stuffs were in the big suitcase I brought it over with me, and then one day, he cleaned out his closet and two drawers for me to empty my suitcase and which made me feel so happy. But after months, I started to feel like I am not feeling comfortable by leaving my stuffs in that corner because maybe my hubby wouldn't feel happy about this. Or sometimes, when he told me to move my stuffs, I felt bad about this. And then, I remembered what my brother used to tell me that he just wish to have his own table and I, finally, really understand what he was talking about.
To have my own table, I put whatever I want and I don't need to move anything because someone else doesn't like it that way. To have my own table, I could stay there as long as I want and don't feel bad to occupy that place for too long. To have my own table, I could really feel like I belong here because there is small part of this apartment belongs to me. It's maybe weird to explain it in this way but this is exactly how I feel now. However, I understand if others won't understand because I was one of them. Well, at least, when I tried to explain my feeling to my hubby, he didn't really understand tho but I didn't blame this on him because we are living in a small apartment now with his childhood friend. Therefore, when we really have our own house, I will surely ask for my own table tho.... :)

Last week, I had one week vacation without French classes. It was supposed to be a wonderful since I finally got to rest for one week after non-stop classes for 5 months, but hell, I have this "gout" problem come after me. I thought it wouldn't be that serious but thing didn't go the way I wanted it to be tho. Therefore, I couldn't walk properly for two weeks now.
I have to tell you that it was hurting like hell for more than a week and my feet is like a big bread. When it comes to the night, it's the worst because the blood goes slower when you do not move, so it hurts much more than you could imagine. Therefore, I didn't sleep well for about 5 days. The night before, I woke up almost every hour and it's seriously torture me a lot.
However, I am very happy to tell you that after 11 days, I finally feel much better now because at least, I don't feel that much of pain when I walk. And last night, I finally got some sleep. It's really cool because I really need some sleep, otherwise, I really have no energe to take my French class this week, and I am also happy that this Friday, we won't have class because it's Canada's National day. Guess not many people care about this day, well, that's what I heard from my friend tho. For me, I am happy about this day only because I got to rest my feet more and it really helps for healing!!
Anyways, Happy Birthday to Canada & good luck to my feet!!

2010 was a very interesting year for me because I experienced the worst thing and the best thing. Well, skip the worst thing because it really worths nothing to mention it again. Besides, I'd bitched about it for so many times already and I am fucking sure that you wouldn't wanna hear it anyways. Thus, lets take about the culture shock part 2.
Lets say it can be categorized in the "good thing of 2010". Well, maybe it's not really the culture difference but from the way I look at it, it's maybe workable.
Okay, lets say I am from a family that all the members are not good at expressing their feelings at all. We don't hug, we don't say love you, we don't really experess too much but if we do express some, that's really something huge, not just big. Take my dad for example, it took him one year to ask my mom why my uncle's family didn't visit us any more after my uncle's family didn't come to our place for one year. Maybe we are really retarded on speaking out our feeling but when it comes to anger, we are not bad at it tho. Anyways, what I meant is that maybe we really appreciate about something, we don't usually say it with words, we usually do something good to others as a return. For example, when we see something beautiful, we will say "it looks beautiful" and that's all, no more good words but we will surely take care of it tho.
However, there are always people exaggerating. Well, maybe you think it's normal but for me, it's really fucking exaggerating and I meant, what the hell....too much, really too much!!

Well, I usually have this problem when it comes to speak out. Sometimes, I am like my mom who really hate to cause any trouble to others so we always try to do everything on our own, even sometimes, we atually need some help from others. So, here is the most recent example I could give you now......seriously, I was fucking stupid!!
Couple days ago, I went out to explore some groceries which might be on sales. In here, they usually ask you if you really need bags for those you buy, and somehow, I fucking freaked out in front of the cashier when the woman asked me in French. Well, here is the deal, they don't charge you for the bag like Taiwan does. But hell, at that moment, "charge" came into my mind and I really thought that woman was gonna charge me for the god damn bag so I said, "non, merci" as if I was refusing her help. And ha, there were even TWO all-grown-up men unpacking my stuffs and walked away with some disappointments. And guess what, I got a pack of crabs, a box of on-sales eggs, and the god damn on-sales 24 rolls of toilet paper. Of course, I need one fucking bag for the crabs and eggs I just fucking refused. Gee...what the fuck is going on with me?!
Hey, that's not the worst part of this story. The worst part is that now, it's WINTER time here, and I totally, totally, totally, forgot my god damn warm gloves at home. And guess what, to be economical for my "wallet" so I walked to the supermarket that is not exactly near my place. Thus, what will happen if the temperature is about -6~-10 degrees and you expose your hands outside???? Let me tell you. First, you will feel fucking cold and then in couple of seconds, you will find your fingers all turn "red" and soon, you feel the pain which makes your fingers unmovable as if they are too hard to be touched. And then, you will say to youself, how the hell you are so fucking stupid to leave the gloves at home and so fucking stupid to tell that stupid woman give you no bags, so now, look at yourself. Seriously, I couldn't move my fingers at all when I finally got to my place and it took me a while to open the door. And remember, don't put your hands into hot or even warm water because you will surely make it worse. As I recalled, I have seen many people in China, their fingers turned black for the rest of their lives because they put their hands in warm water after got freezed outdoor. Hell, I don't know if this is the reason but for sure, I don't want my hands become black. Thus, I just waited until I started to feel my fingers when they are gettiing warmer inside of the apartment. And tried to move them a little by a little to make sure the blood starts running smoothly.
So, fuck, don't be stupid!!!!!!!! Bring a god damn glove when you go out and don't think that you could just leave your hands in the pockets, no big deal?! Hell, it's a big deal coz you will never know when you will have to put your hands outside of the pockets. Shit happens, you know...so, always get everything ready before you go out!!