It's the second day of 2010 and I learned something interesting about me.
I learned myself like to run away from things I dislike. Well, okay, maybe many people do so because that's the thing they dislike but what I meant is sometimes, I thought everything is cool and I've got over it. But it's not always true.
I am still recovering; recovering from whatever you have done to my and whatever I have done to myself to fall this far. I found no excuss for both of us and a lot of things I don't know and don't understand. I wish I can get over it but it's not easy for me.
There is a song called, breakeven. The lyric says, "While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
I really don't understand what's the problem with being over 25 years old and "single". And what I don't understand the most is.....why this bothers others??? Does this kinda person danger your life?? If they don't give it a damn to be single, why you have to accuse them being single?
Things are changing...people don't get married, people don't want to have kids, people don't live as the way their parents do in the past. Society doesn't strictly judge those who don't follow tradition and people have learned to be independent and respect others' perspectives. Women are not just wives or mothers, they could be independent, businesswoman, or just be whoever they want to be, including being single.
I felt so tired this morning because I'd a bad dream last night. Most of time, I don't like to dream because dreaming only makes me more tired after waking up.
Anyways, the dream was about I was so pissed so I smashed things in my room, threw everything around me to the ground and I tried to scream but it seemed that I lost my voice. The dream was so real and I did feel like my hands did do some hard work on smashing things. But I also felt frustrated because I couldn't scream, my voice couldn't come out of my throat. It's kinda painful.
I spent over half month salary to buy a new mattress. The new mattress is much softer than my old one; the old one is killing my back and shoulders so I didn't have good sleep for a long time. And then, I remember there was a kinda bed keeping me have very good sleep for 5 nights. It's a very soft bad...a very soft and warm one. And what's so great every morning is that a beautiful and cute dog would come to wake you up with her cute nose. The only bad thing about this bad is that you might be attacked but no worry, because you will get a "sorry" for that; he doesn't mean it at all.
I know I can never find the same one again, but at least, I could afford a similar mattress that bring me back to those days.
I feel empty and worried a little bit for my parents not at home these days. It's really weird that I always expect to have the apartment all my own, but when I have chance now, I feel lonely and weird. And what's more weird is that I have lived by my own for two years before, I don't really quite understand where this feeling comes from! It's just so weird for me...
Life is so complicated because oue emotion could be affected by many things. When you stop having feelings toward something, you will consider that you are numb. It's kinda empty when you feel numb, but it's probably the best way to make your life easier.
Sometimes, we might complain some people have low understanding ability, so you have to spend more time to explain to them. However, to look from the other side, maybe that's part of the reason why they can be a bit happier in other times. To be sensitive cannot be considered as a good thing or bad thing, because not everything can be judged with the same standard.
For a long long time, I really thought it's my problem.
My two elder brothers work in the very the same company since they graduated. Almost every member in my family never really change jobs often. BUT me, who has worked for 4 years for 4 different works so far. In average, one year per company; the shortest is 11 months and the longest is 18. I've been thinking why I couldn't work for the same company for too long; by looking back, I did have many unplesant experience from PEOPLE.
It's been a long time I didn't come back here to write. Reason? I am not quit sure tho. Maybe because my work keeps me very busy all the time, or maybe I didn't keep seeing the world carefully for a while.
Remember weeks ago, the problem came back to me again. I lost my sleep for 2 or 3 weeks. It's killing me, but what worst is that I cannot find someone to talk about the real reason I couldn't sleep. It's sucks, but I have to say that I deserve it, because it's me who choose to dig in.
Since when people start to ask me "when are you going to school?"
....when I was 5 years old, and I said, "yeah, it's so cool!"
