Something Existing

I have this colleague, Derek, who is working in fabric trading department. He caused many troubles for us, mostly because he is poor at understanding others. At first, I thought it was my fault on expressing myself, but the truth is that he does have this kinda problem to everybody.

Even though he caused many problems for us, I still pretty admire some of his attitude somehow. It's not a new thing to see him got yelled by somebody; don't even mention he got yelled by my supervisor. Well, my supervisor is well known as very good at yelling.....she even can call that person "stupid cow".....with a very annoying sound. A lot of time, we just feel so released that it's not us to be yelled by my supervisor. Anyways, under a very normal situation, the person who got yelled must feel bad, and mostly, this bad mood will certainly show on the face. BUT not Derek, he could still act in the very same way, and even laugh out loud. Perhaps, you might think it's because he has no feeling. But we all believe that it's because he has very high EQ.

My niece, Abby, is a very tough kid, who doesn't like any of our family, because our personality is more tender. She has this extreme temper to have this need to express herself. If she says no, it definately means no, even you punlish her. She is very good at using her voice for objection by screaming, or yelling out loud.

By comparing with her older brother, she got punished more than her brother, Nelson. Nelson is also a smart kid, but he is not tough at all. He has hard time to do things alone, he couldn't even go anywhere in our place without lights on. Whenever he goes out, he will always hold your hands, unless he is very familiar with that environment. One very good thing about him is that he never asks others to hold him, even his legs are sore. Abby is totally different, she is more brave, and does have dare to do many things. But she hates to walk, and will cry to her dad to hold her. And she will stick on you, no matter how much you don't want.

Frankly, I didn't finish this book yet. I only read half of it, total is about 420 pages. I don't quit remember why I purchased  this book in the beginning, but I do remember that I read its instruction for many time without really realizing what it's talking about, and I just bought it.

When I started to read, I thought it's mostly about buildings, arts, and stuffs that I don't really understand. But who cares, it's a novel, so it's supposed to be understandable. Besides, I thought it's about an old man built a house for his lovely wife.....however, I was totally wrong!

Too many times, I asked myself what I am doing here. Is everything worth? Is it the right thing to do? I know I am doing my best, but I just cannot help myself thinking that there are more I could do to fix it. Sometimes, I told myself, no, you don't deserve it, even there are people telling me in the opposite way. I could find thousands of excuss for people's mistake, but I cannot find any to prove that I deserve something good.

I always have answers for others' problems, but when it comes to myself, I don't find any. On the other hand, I don't like people to remind me what I can do better, because I know better than anyone else about myself. It's not that I donlt listen; it's just if you push too hard on me, I will feel more stressed. Thus, no matter what, I will do my best!

I thought I want a new start, so I set a new account.

Didn't give it too much thought, I reset my e-mail address back to the old one after my new account's set up. Somehow, when I logged in, I figured how come I could get in here with my old e-mail address......

Attention, I like this word, because it explains a lot of doubts I had before.

I know some people who act in the way that I didn't have clue why, especially those girls who like acting a lot. They act like they are weak, they made some stories, they like to be a butterfly........And then, one day, I learned "it's because they need attention"...... Since that day, I fall in love with this word, because it did help to explain a lot of things I don't understand.

Years ago, that evening, I wanted to talk to a classmate so bad so bad, but I didn't do it in the end. The next day, she jumped out of 9th floor window suicided. The night I heard the news, I regret that I didn't talk to her, because if I did, maybe I could stop her from doing it.

Coupld weeks ago, I attended a wedding. I had this strong feeling that I wanted to take photo with my cousin so bad, so strong. We did take one photo. And then, I heard that she might get breast cancer, and the 2nd time test doesn't look that good.

I have this special rule to some special person. And that is never say goodbye; you can say "see ya", "later", but cannot say "goodbye" or "bye". The reason is very simple, because we must see each other again, no matter how far we are far apart.

Since I have this rule, for me, saying "goodbye" is a very serious word for me. By saying "bye" is okay, but somehow, saying "goodbye" means that we will never see each other again, or I just meant not to see you again from the moment I tell you "goodbye".

Years ago, less than in one week, we lost our aunt. She had this cancer, which spreaded very very fast in her body. One thing good is that she didn't suffer much. We were all very sad, because nobody expected this to come, especially in this short time.

After couple months, my grandpa followed my aunt's step. Everything was in a mess for our family, we really do not recognize our sadness at all because there were too many things need to be done at the same time. You only saw everybody was so tired, and speechless.

I do not have many friends, and when I try to find somebody to hang out with, the choice is very limited. And the result is usually......stay at home!

Don't know why, but most of people I know are from rich family. And somehow, I am just not into them and they are not into me at all. Thus, it's not surprise that I do not have many friends. And what more funny is that my truely good friends are usually out of Taiwan. One Australian in China, one in France, one in HongKong, one in Thailand, other okay friends are in Nothern America, Georgia, France......and around 3 in Taiwan. Wow, I can use only my 10 fingers to count my friends....