Something Existing

Could I get you off my mind, this time?

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A lot of my friends think that I am a weak person, because I got sick easily....ATTENTION, it's ONLY because I got cold easily. It is NOT because I got a weak mind.

Frequently, I visite doctor, becuase my nose allergy is getting more serious. Doctor always tell me that I gotta stay away from dust, or hairy stuffs, blah blah blah....but the truth is that it's just my body cannot fit Taiwan's weather. I meant I got no allergy when I was in Canada or China. It was totally cool, besides, I was staying with a "real dog" for 5 days in Canada. I even slept with that dog without having any problem at all tho. Therefore, it must be because the weather in Taiwan.

Everything has postive and negative parts, it all depends on how you take it.

I had a dark side with me for a while, this dark side was a secret that I don't like to mention. For nearly an year, I thought I've learned how to hold my tears, but the truth is I put myself in a darker place, wait till one day my emotion explored. And it did explore for couple times.

In this very month, June, I usually have to pray, pary that everything will be fine. You can say that I am superstitious, but for me, I cannot really ignore the things happened before.

Okay, I don't really remember what bad happened before, but I always have this bad feeling when it comes to June. It's also funny that my birthday is in June, and I particularly don't like the day of my birthday, because bad thing did happen couple times that day before.

Strangely, I spent some time seeing wedding dress on TV show, and somehow, I did try to figure out what kinda I wanna wear. To see the special wedding photo albums from some couples I have known, I learned it seems to be something every couple shall do in Taiwan's culture. And I know how much effort you need to put when you take those photos, because my two older brothers all got married, and it all took them days to find a proper wedding shop, go shoot the photos, select photos, blah blah blah...a lot of works to do. And sure, they all cost not small money.

Except photos, there are a lot of customs needed to be followed. And every area, or even every family does have some different customs to believe in. Normally, groom needs to prepare an amount of money for bride's family, so that they could purchase some "cookies/cakes" to send to their relatives for announcing that their daughter is getting married. And a lot, a lot, a lot of details need to be done.....

Every time I take testing online about how old are you really, the result is always way older than what my real age is. It's in the range between 32-36. Usually, friends around my age laugh at me, and friends older than me for few years think it's a good thing to be mature. For me, I don't deny that I don't really act like my real age, and that also part of the reason that most of my close friends are older than me, except one (but he is a foreiger...look much older than me tho...hahaha).

Thus, deep in my mind, I really think that I shall look older than my age. I meant at least, I should look like a kido, becasue hell, I don't act like one. However, I seem to be wrong!

My cousin will be engaged next week. She is actually struggling about making this marriage to happen for a while. I don't really know what's her concerns, but I know there are concerns, because after all, marriage for a woman is a huge thing, she gives her life to a man, and another family. Her life will be totally changed from that moment.

Thus, how do you know if you are ready for all of this? I cannot imagine how a woman can be so ready to marry a guy when it comes to reality.

I am not sad.....as I know.

I know when I am really sad, I will feel like hugging somebody, and somebody mostly is my pillow. And although my pillow will never hug me back, my blanket is always there to provide some help by convering me.

For the past two years, I hate a lot of things, because I knew too many things that others shouldn't know. And I also saw many ugly sides of human beings. Thus, most of time, I felt so frustrated and tired from a lot of things around me. It's not me who was being too judgmental; it's things are getting out of rage. Thus, I promised myself that I had to get away from it, or I will kill myself soon.

Me and my friend once talked about "we don't understand why there are people doing things like that". We kept asking "why" and "how", and in the end, we came out a very good explaination, which is "we shouldn't use our own standard to judge others". It's actually a very good explaination, because when we are not able to change others, we'd better change ourself to get used to this society.

I have two plus one nephews (the plus one is now presently in his mom's belly), and one niece. Their mothers, and my mom are very good at buying clothes for them. Oftenly, they found some clothes they never wore in the closet, and it's too small to wear, so they pass them to the younger one. But there are still chances to find no younger kid to pass.

It's my second week at new work, but it seems that I have worked there for one month, because I started to work over hour in the very first day! However, the funny thing is that I don't really complain about it. Most of the days, I am the last one arrive home. And today, there is no exception. I found my mom packed clothes into a suitcase, so I joked with her if she is planning on escaping, even I know she was packing my nephews' and nieces' clothes. And the later, when I came back to my mom, she said to me....