They called this culture difference......
Have you ever said to your parents that you love them?? Me, I don't think I did it before so people asked me why....Well, I don't know why but I would feel bizard if I say that to my parents tho. Yes, most of Asians do not do that and why, maybe because they are shy, maybe because they never did that before!!
I am still recovering; recovering from whatever you have done to my and whatever I have done to myself to fall this far. I found no excuss for both of us and a lot of things I don't know and don't understand. I wish I can get over it but it's not easy for me.
There is a song called, breakeven. The lyric says, "While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
For a long long time, I really thought it's my problem.
My two elder brothers work in the very the same company since they graduated. Almost every member in my family never really change jobs often. BUT me, who has worked for 4 years for 4 different works so far. In average, one year per company; the shortest is 11 months and the longest is 18. I've been thinking why I couldn't work for the same company for too long; by looking back, I did have many unplesant experience from PEOPLE.
It's been a long time I didn't come back here to write. Reason? I am not quit sure tho. Maybe because my work keeps me very busy all the time, or maybe I didn't keep seeing the world carefully for a while.
Remember weeks ago, the problem came back to me again. I lost my sleep for 2 or 3 weeks. It's killing me, but what worst is that I cannot find someone to talk about the real reason I couldn't sleep. It's sucks, but I have to say that I deserve it, because it's me who choose to dig in.
My niece, Abby, is a very tough kid, who doesn't like any of our family, because our personality is more tender. She has this extreme temper to have this need to express herself. If she says no, it definately means no, even you punlish her. She is very good at using her voice for objection by screaming, or yelling out loud.
By comparing with her older brother, she got punished more than her brother, Nelson. Nelson is also a smart kid, but he is not tough at all. He has hard time to do things alone, he couldn't even go anywhere in our place without lights on. Whenever he goes out, he will always hold your hands, unless he is very familiar with that environment. One very good thing about him is that he never asks others to hold him, even his legs are sore. Abby is totally different, she is more brave, and does have dare to do many things. But she hates to walk, and will cry to her dad to hold her. And she will stick on you, no matter how much you don't want.
Too many times, I asked myself what I am doing here. Is everything worth? Is it the right thing to do? I know I am doing my best, but I just cannot help myself thinking that there are more I could do to fix it. Sometimes, I told myself, no, you don't deserve it, even there are people telling me in the opposite way. I could find thousands of excuss for people's mistake, but I cannot find any to prove that I deserve something good.
I always have answers for others' problems, but when it comes to myself, I don't find any. On the other hand, I don't like people to remind me what I can do better, because I know better than anyone else about myself. It's not that I donlt listen; it's just if you push too hard on me, I will feel more stressed. Thus, no matter what, I will do my best!
I thought I want a new start, so I set a new account.
Didn't give it too much thought, I reset my e-mail address back to the old one after my new account's set up. Somehow, when I logged in, I figured how come I could get in here with my old e-mail address......
I have this special rule to some special person. And that is never say goodbye; you can say "see ya", "later", but cannot say "goodbye" or "bye". The reason is very simple, because we must see each other again, no matter how far we are far apart.
Since I have this rule, for me, saying "goodbye" is a very serious word for me. By saying "bye" is okay, but somehow, saying "goodbye" means that we will never see each other again, or I just meant not to see you again from the moment I tell you "goodbye".
A lot of my friends think that I am a weak person, because I got sick easily....ATTENTION, it's ONLY because I got cold easily. It is NOT because I got a weak mind.
Frequently, I visite doctor, becuase my nose allergy is getting more serious. Doctor always tell me that I gotta stay away from dust, or hairy stuffs, blah blah blah....but the truth is that it's just my body cannot fit Taiwan's weather. I meant I got no allergy when I was in Canada or China. It was totally cool, besides, I was staying with a "real dog" for 5 days in Canada. I even slept with that dog without having any problem at all tho. Therefore, it must be because the weather in Taiwan.
"If I knew you are going there for him, I will help you pick up something more to bring over." She said. Do you hear that? That's what she said, and that's exactly what she told me yesterday.
You have been worrying about if they will like you or not. It's exactly the same way I worry about when the very first time, I met you and your family. What if they don't like me being a foreigner, what if they don't like me because I say anything stupid, or what if you just hate the way I am. And you know what else she said? " No wonder you were looking for shirt before you left" I didn't even remember that I was trying to pick up some clothes for you, but she remembered it.
I guess I am kinda weak lately, because a lot of things can win my tears. I am not sure if it's me who really can be that sensitive about things around me, or I just think too much. I could cry because of a scenerio in the TV, a sentence in the book I read, or lyrics of one song. It seems that I can just so easy to put myself in others' shoes.
And look at the lyric of this song, Lips of an angel, I thought it was about a guy talking about his gf's lips in the beginning before I listened to this song carefully. It reminds me about the feeling I had when I saw your name showed on my cell phone, and how excited I was to hear your voice again. Like the lyric says, it's really good to hear your voice saying my name, it sounds so sweet. And "hearing those words it makes me weak".
Remember before the day I took on the plane, I went to a salon I used to go. I thought of fixing my hairs since it's been couple months that I didn't fix it. I wasn't in Taiwan a lot that year, and I really do not like to let some stranger to cut my hairs because of bad experience, and this kinda bad experience, we usually have to suffer for couple months to wait till hairs grow back. That's really no fun at all! Therefore, I insist to let the same person to cut my hairs, unless this person disappeared, and then I will start to worry about finding another good barber.
Nature is fighting back? We, human beings, deserve it?
I hate people when they give me attitude. Sure, I can understand that sometimes people just don't get what they want, so they will have bad mood. But for God sake, cannot you just get over it and go fucking hide your own attitude when seeing others?! You have right to feel bad, you have right to express your feeling, but don't give me that attitude when it comes to innocent people. I am not the one to piss you off, so get real, and go fix your stupid brain, especially you are over 30 years old. It's TIME to grow up!
You know, a day or two, I don't get it a shit, but hell, it's over a week. What the hell you want? It's not like the entire world rotates as you are being a center piece. Nobody would bother themselves to care what the hell you are mad at, or even make you feel better by letting you do whatever you want forever. So, get real, and get over what you are going through, you dumb ass!
Don't take away what's left from you
The way you smile
Five years ago, we had an interesting year, because many things happened.
My aunt past away due to cancer, and all of our family was so busy helping my uncle to handle everything. After 2 months, my grandpa past away. And at the same time, I was busy applying for the program to study in USA as an exchange student. What a busy year....but the most dramatic part isn't any of them, it is my second brother's marriage.
When I was young, I have a lot of ambition, a lot of things that I want to do when I grow up. And now, I grew up, graduated from college and started to work for 3-4 years. Within these 3-4 years, I did not really change my mind. I still have passion to do complish those things I wanted to do. However, those things have been deducted one by one......
I wanted to earn enough money so that I could go abroad to study master....fail, shit, it's fucking hard to earn big money, I caculated it a little bit....the salary I had that time, to have enough money to study abroad, I need to work for 4 years without spending a cent.
