Something Existing

I really don't understand what's the problem with being over 25 years old and "single". And what I don't understand the most is.....why this bothers others??? Does this kinda person danger your life?? If they don't give it a damn to be single, why you have to accuse them being single?

Things are changing...people don't get married, people don't want to have kids, people don't live as the way their parents do in the past. Society doesn't strictly judge those who don't follow tradition and people have learned to be independent and respect others' perspectives. Women are not just wives or mothers, they could be independent, businesswoman, or just be whoever they want to be, including being single.

I felt so tired this morning because I'd a bad dream last night. Most of time, I don't like to dream because dreaming only makes me more tired after waking up.

Anyways, the dream was about I was so pissed so I smashed things in my room, threw everything around me to the ground and I tried to scream but it seemed that I lost my voice. The dream was so real and I did feel like my hands did do some hard work on smashing things. But I also felt frustrated because I couldn't scream, my voice couldn't come out of my throat. It's kinda painful.

I spent over half month salary to buy a new mattress. The new mattress is much softer than my old one; the old one is killing my back and shoulders so I didn't have good sleep for a long time. And then, I remember there was a kinda bed keeping me have very good sleep for 5 nights. It's a very soft bad...a very soft and warm one. And what's so great every morning is that a beautiful and cute dog would come to wake you up with her cute nose. The only bad thing about this bad is that you might be attacked but no worry, because you will get a "sorry" for that; he doesn't mean it at all.

I know I can never find the same one again, but at least, I could afford a similar mattress that bring me back to those days.

I feel empty and worried a little bit for my parents not at home these days. It's really weird that I always expect to have the apartment all my own, but when I have chance now, I feel lonely and weird. And what's more weird is that I have lived by my own for two years before, I don't really quite understand where this feeling comes from! It's just so weird for me...

Life is so complicated because oue emotion could be affected by many things. When you stop having feelings toward something, you will consider that you are numb. It's kinda empty when you feel numb, but it's probably the best way to make your life easier.

Sometimes, we might complain some people have low understanding ability, so you have to spend more time to explain to them. However, to look from the other side, maybe that's part of the reason why they can be a bit happier in other times. To be sensitive cannot be considered as a good thing or bad thing, because not everything can be judged with the same standard.

I have this colleague, Derek, who is working in fabric trading department. He caused many troubles for us, mostly because he is poor at understanding others. At first, I thought it was my fault on expressing myself, but the truth is that he does have this kinda problem to everybody.

Even though he caused many problems for us, I still pretty admire some of his attitude somehow. It's not a new thing to see him got yelled by somebody; don't even mention he got yelled by my supervisor. Well, my supervisor is well known as very good at yelling.....she even can call that person "stupid cow".....with a very annoying sound. A lot of time, we just feel so released that it's not us to be yelled by my supervisor. Anyways, under a very normal situation, the person who got yelled must feel bad, and mostly, this bad mood will certainly show on the face. BUT not Derek, he could still act in the very same way, and even laugh out loud. Perhaps, you might think it's because he has no feeling. But we all believe that it's because he has very high EQ.

Attention, I like this word, because it explains a lot of doubts I had before.

I know some people who act in the way that I didn't have clue why, especially those girls who like acting a lot. They act like they are weak, they made some stories, they like to be a butterfly........And then, one day, I learned "it's because they need attention"...... Since that day, I fall in love with this word, because it did help to explain a lot of things I don't understand.

Years ago, that evening, I wanted to talk to a classmate so bad so bad, but I didn't do it in the end. The next day, she jumped out of 9th floor window suicided. The night I heard the news, I regret that I didn't talk to her, because if I did, maybe I could stop her from doing it.

Coupld weeks ago, I attended a wedding. I had this strong feeling that I wanted to take photo with my cousin so bad, so strong. We did take one photo. And then, I heard that she might get breast cancer, and the 2nd time test doesn't look that good.

Years ago, less than in one week, we lost our aunt. She had this cancer, which spreaded very very fast in her body. One thing good is that she didn't suffer much. We were all very sad, because nobody expected this to come, especially in this short time.

After couple months, my grandpa followed my aunt's step. Everything was in a mess for our family, we really do not recognize our sadness at all because there were too many things need to be done at the same time. You only saw everybody was so tired, and speechless.

I do not have many friends, and when I try to find somebody to hang out with, the choice is very limited. And the result is usually......stay at home!

Don't know why, but most of people I know are from rich family. And somehow, I am just not into them and they are not into me at all. Thus, it's not surprise that I do not have many friends. And what more funny is that my truely good friends are usually out of Taiwan. One Australian in China, one in France, one in HongKong, one in Thailand, other okay friends are in Nothern America, Georgia, France......and around 3 in Taiwan. Wow, I can use only my 10 fingers to count my friends....

Everything has postive and negative parts, it all depends on how you take it.

I had a dark side with me for a while, this dark side was a secret that I don't like to mention. For nearly an year, I thought I've learned how to hold my tears, but the truth is I put myself in a darker place, wait till one day my emotion explored. And it did explore for couple times.

In this very month, June, I usually have to pray, pary that everything will be fine. You can say that I am superstitious, but for me, I cannot really ignore the things happened before.

Okay, I don't really remember what bad happened before, but I always have this bad feeling when it comes to June. It's also funny that my birthday is in June, and I particularly don't like the day of my birthday, because bad thing did happen couple times that day before.

Every time I take testing online about how old are you really, the result is always way older than what my real age is. It's in the range between 32-36. Usually, friends around my age laugh at me, and friends older than me for few years think it's a good thing to be mature. For me, I don't deny that I don't really act like my real age, and that also part of the reason that most of my close friends are older than me, except one (but he is a foreiger...look much older than me tho...hahaha).

Thus, deep in my mind, I really think that I shall look older than my age. I meant at least, I should look like a kido, becasue hell, I don't act like one. However, I seem to be wrong!

My cousin will be engaged next week. She is actually struggling about making this marriage to happen for a while. I don't really know what's her concerns, but I know there are concerns, because after all, marriage for a woman is a huge thing, she gives her life to a man, and another family. Her life will be totally changed from that moment.

Thus, how do you know if you are ready for all of this? I cannot imagine how a woman can be so ready to marry a guy when it comes to reality.

I am not sad.....as I know.

I know when I am really sad, I will feel like hugging somebody, and somebody mostly is my pillow. And although my pillow will never hug me back, my blanket is always there to provide some help by convering me.

For the past two years, I hate a lot of things, because I knew too many things that others shouldn't know. And I also saw many ugly sides of human beings. Thus, most of time, I felt so frustrated and tired from a lot of things around me. It's not me who was being too judgmental; it's things are getting out of rage. Thus, I promised myself that I had to get away from it, or I will kill myself soon.

Me and my friend once talked about "we don't understand why there are people doing things like that". We kept asking "why" and "how", and in the end, we came out a very good explaination, which is "we shouldn't use our own standard to judge others". It's actually a very good explaination, because when we are not able to change others, we'd better change ourself to get used to this society.

I have two plus one nephews (the plus one is now presently in his mom's belly), and one niece. Their mothers, and my mom are very good at buying clothes for them. Oftenly, they found some clothes they never wore in the closet, and it's too small to wear, so they pass them to the younger one. But there are still chances to find no younger kid to pass.

It's my second week at new work, but it seems that I have worked there for one month, because I started to work over hour in the very first day! However, the funny thing is that I don't really complain about it. Most of the days, I am the last one arrive home. And today, there is no exception. I found my mom packed clothes into a suitcase, so I joked with her if she is planning on escaping, even I know she was packing my nephews' and nieces' clothes. And the later, when I came back to my mom, she said to me....

Not really feel nervous or excited about Monday, but it should be a big day for me, because I am gonna start to work. It's gonna be an easy job for me, but I am sure that I will learn a lot more from this position. I don't have any special feeling right now, but I know I will be nervous tomorrow night, like a student who will start the school next day feels nervous about what's coming.

Time goes by very fast, especially all the sudden I realized that I am touching 30 in few years. Somehow, I feel time is pushing me to speed up my path to grow up, to grow up to face the next stage of my life. I remember when I tured 20, I was super happy, because it's time to be whoever I want to be, and then I don't think I really grow up, I perhaps just noticed that I turned 20, but hell, I am turning 30 in few years. Thus, I have to make myself look what I have done, and learn to know what I should do next.

Here, I am not talking about butt!!

Well, I had wrote an article to bosses. And here I'd like to share the experience I had today.

I went to another interview today, it is a pretty big company with about 140 employees in Taiwan, and thousands oversea. Their major business is garment and their customers are well-known, such as GAP......

In the first place, I didn't expect too much about this job because I don't really know if I will have passion for garment at all. But I thought it's no harm to give it a try and to take a look at the company. Before I went to this interview, I had one in the morning and it didn't go very well because the question I asked seemed to make the interviewer irate for certain reason. However, that question never cause the feeling for any of my previous interviews, so I am not really worried about her reaction. It's just that I did have a little expectation about this interview, but it didn't go as smoothly as I thought. Thus, in the afternoon, lets say maybe it's the "garment" and also the interview this morning made me not expect anything from this interview.