I am still recovering; recovering from whatever you have done to my and whatever I have done to myself to fall this far. I found no excuss for both of us and a lot of things I don't know and don't understand. I wish I can get over it but it's not easy for me.

There is a song called, breakeven. The lyric says, "While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
'Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven, even, no........What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and you're okay" Yes, I lost my sleep for couple months and yes, when a heart breaks, it doesn't breakeven, and yes, I cannot say anything when I'm all choked up and you are okay. I listen to this song over and over and over again; I don't know what I am looking for in this song...looking for the truth? looking for the meaning? looking for the excuss? looking for the solution? No, I don't know...I just keep playing it again and again.

If non of anything happened, I won't be here writing at all. It's your birthday today, I was supposed to send you a gift (which I meant to buy one special gift..but no) and tell you happy birthday either by e-mail or MSN, but no, because I don't know who I am to you at all. I am not even your friend...no, I cannot let myself be your friend and I cannot be whoever to you. I am nobody and I don't want to be anybody. I lost in my whole small horizon and don't have any idea about what I want because I lost my direction...totally!

Thus, happy birthday to you and enjoy your immigration to Berlin.



I hope someday...someday...I will be fine again....someday I will be able to be myself again....someday I could face myself again....Someday I could stop running away.



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