I am not in a hurry, I am being lazy, I keep everything slower than before, I enjoy everyday, and put a little effort to make it better. Nothing pushes me going forward, and it seems that I wonder around here without moving any where. Maybe I am waiting for a sign or a miracle to tell me what I shall do next. I thought a lot of possibilities, but those are all dream, and all I could do here is wait.

Since last week I quited my job in a very pretty way, I came back to the club of job hunting. Maybe I fought too much, struggled for too long, and got sick from those rediculous requests, and murmur for the past couple months, I don't need any emergency, and I mean to keep everything in a very slow way. Yeah, you can say that I am truely getting lazy. My pace is so slow that my mom has to slow down when she walks with me. It seems that my last job sucked all of my energy, and I am still in the recovering stage!

Early this week, I thought of going abroad for a while, but I couldn't find the feeling of belongness. Everywhere is a strange place for me, even Michigan seems no longer that familiar to me at all.

Somehow, I think I am tired of dealing with people, dealing with what happened between people. J and I have this problem, the problem that we asked ourself too much that "how come there is this kinda people?" There was this one night, we sit together in a small bar early in the evening, not many customers around, and only both of us sat in front of the bar table. It's so great to talk to J there coz no one else knows what the hell we were talking about. Thus, we found that we asked that question a lot to ourselves, and this question did bother us a lot, even kinda affecting our daily life. After a long discussion, each of brought up some examples, and possible answers, we came out this reulit that "there is no way we can change others, and we shouldn't look at/judge others with our own standard." To be more exactly and as per J's saying, we cannot look at others with our "high" moral!! Therefore, I think it's our, J's and my, problem to miss judge people by using our own standard. Furthermore, both of us are having problem to not to give it a shit! J has told me that I should not care too much about whatever others talk about me, instead I should only care those words said by those I care the most.

By looking at my previous works, it's not hard to figure out that part of my reasons to quit is because of "people" problem. People themselves, words people say, things people do, and everything is related to people. My brother has told me that maybe I should go to work in a bigger company which has better system/policy/organnization to make most of the things based on equality. However, I still cannot stop wonder the problem of bigger company means more "people". Thus, I thought of one or two employees company, but still, I wonder if I could handle it. The last option I could think is that maybe I should work in a foreign company, or I just find a job outside of Taiwan, and it's better be USA, Canada, or European countries, because they are much more straightforward, nothing is in the middle so that maybe everything will be a lot easier for me. However, it's never that easy to find a job aborad, because it needs a lot of credibility from your working experience, and me, maybe I have ability but my result doesn't look that good.

Hence, I am back out a little bit, and I am lazy to move forward. One of friend even told me that as per my personality, I could be very good at management, but totally suck at dealing with things among people. I guess she is right, but hell no, I won't go to be a teacher coz no offense, I really don't like teachers.

Here I am....wondering around...don't know where to go...and waiting for miracle, in other word, I am so fucking lazy!


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