I do not have many friends, and when I try to find somebody to hang out with, the choice is very limited. And the result is usually......stay at home!

Don't know why, but most of people I know are from rich family. And somehow, I am just not into them and they are not into me at all. Thus, it's not surprise that I do not have many friends. And what more funny is that my truely good friends are usually out of Taiwan. One Australian in China, one in France, one in HongKong, one in Thailand, other okay friends are in Nothern America, Georgia, France......and around 3 in Taiwan. Wow, I can use only my 10 fingers to count my friends....

Long time ago, someone has taught me that "those friends you got from work are ever your true friends". Well, after 4 years working experience in 3~4 different companies, I only got one true friend in  the end. Thus, it doesn't really 100% correct, but it's still some good reference when you found your so called friends stab on your back.

Easily, people think that I'm a loner, especially when they don't know me well. Or, lets say those who don't know me well will always think that I am a loner. I cannot blame on them because I am type of person who don't get familiar with strangers easily. I prefer to listen, think, and then talk if I think you are interested, or we just have this feeling to talk to each other. Okay, I admir that I like to find people chat online, BUT it doesn't work most of the time. It's been years, maybe 10 years, since the first time I started chatting online, but those became my real friend ... only ONE, and in fact, I don't do that often, it's just some kinda channel for me to communicate with world, except browsing news/articles online.

People around my age now (those who graduated and started to work for couple years) are not really that available. I meant after graduated, you just started to meet new people, and something new started to go on in your life. What in the past may not necessary follow up what you have now. Those you were hanging out a lot with started to have great excuss that they have to work over time, they take some classes after work, they already have date with their new friends, they need to take their customers for dinner...blah blah blah.....oh, and, I need to spend my time with my girlfriend or boyfriend. Yup, so after couple times, you may want to find someone else.

For me, I am always being a very understanding person (even T once left me on the streat alone after mid-night in China......just for getting a girl....I wasn't mad at him....) for my friends or people I know. From a very basic point of view, it's a very good thing to do. However, for me, it is a curse, because I am way too understanding for others. Hence, even sometimes I feel hurt, I will find an excuse for that person.....that's totally a curse, but that's why T liked to hang out with me, because he could leave me as long as he got other dates....(@#$#@($*). If it's others, that persom must feel pissed and don't wanna hang out with him.

Anyways, I do think it is a curse for me......to feel bad by myself than to say things to hurt others' feeling (God knows if what I say will hurt them or not, but I do think that they won't even give it a shit). It's definately NOT me who prefers to be a loner, it's me who hates to force people, or maybe it's they just don't want to hang out with me....hahaha

My bad....


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