Could I get you off my mind, this time?

-----

For so long, women started to realize they should love themselves more, and should be more independent by having their own job, or spending more time on themselves, instead of depending on their husbands totally. And women do not only stay at home take care of chirldren any longer, they could both work and take care everything at home. They also learned to not to expect too much from others.

In fact, I think this kinda trend is getting more popular in Taiwan. You find more and more women work and even being a supervisor, or even they have their own business. They don't really necessary depend on their husbands, and not all of them married, or even plan to get married. Take my supervisor for example, she is 42 years old already, she has a boyfriend who works in Hong Kong, but she doesn't want to get married, or even have any kid. She earns and spends her own money.

Sometimes, I feel like I don't want to work so hard any more, so some people might say "it's okay, go find a rich guy to get married." Isn't it weird? I found it's weird, because how come there are still people thinking in this way?! Marry a rich guy isn't helping at all, because who knows if you are able to stay away from work, and who says this rich guy will just support you for the rest of your life?? If he doesn't want to give you a cent, you still have to earn your own money. Thus, why bother yourself to expect others to give you anything??

To be honest, I hate people to expect me anything, because it's totally too much preasure for me. I meant I know what I should do, and shouldn't do, so your expectation will only disturb my way in handling things. I could do just well if you just leave me alone. Thus, if I put myself in others' foot, I shall feel the same way. I don't like to put my expectation on others, especially the kinda expectation which others do NOT want at all.

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There were so many times I told you that I hate to force anybody to do things they don't want. It is the same thing that I don't want to expect you to do anything. True, I don't like you to be forced to do anything, it's the same thing as I hate people to force me. However, you should know one thing that it's because I feel you are something that I cannot expected from.

I could surely give you everything I have to you, including something I don't think I own. Remember that I've said once that "you have the key in your hand, so you take your pick"? It is you I was talking about, and it's always the truth. You have many reasons that you have to hold you back. And I have many reasons to keep you somewhere in me. For couple times, you put me down by giving me hope that didn't belong to me. I did not complain, but somehow, I have learned to minimize my expectation to you.

Sometimes, I laughed at myself because I don't think I did learn from the previous experience. Otherwise, I shouldn't be sad or feeling any pain at that moment. It's sometimes even so ironic when I told myself "you should know better".

When it feels pain, I always told myself "I have to make this the last time". I don't really know where I am heading to, and I don't know what I am gonna do next. However, I have to keep going, keep busy, and I have to remind myself again that I can depend on no one else but myself. However, somehow, somewhere in my heart whispers "could I get you off my mind, this time?"

--------------------------------

This Time
by Jonathan Rhys Meyers
(from: http://www.elyrics.net/read/j/jonathan-rhys-meyers-lyrics/this-time-lyrics.html)

Tonight the sky above
Reminds me of you, love
Walking through wintertime
Where the stars all shine
The angel on the stairs
Will tell you I was there
Under the front porch light
On a mystery night

I've been sitting watching life pass from the sidelines
Been waiting for a dream to seep in through my blinds
I wondered what might happen if I left this all behind
Would the wind be at my back ? Could I get you off my mind
This time

The neon lights in bars
And headlights from the cars
Have started a symphony
Inside of me
The things I left behind
Have melted in my mind
And now there's a purity
Inside of me

I've been sitting watching life pass from the sidelines
Been waiting for a dream to seep in through my blinds
I wondered what might happen if I left this all behind
Would the wind be at my back ? Could I get you off my mind
This time

I've been sitting watching life pass from the sidelines
Been waiting for a dream to seep in through my blinds
I wondered what might happen if I left this all behind
Would the wind be at my back ? Could I get you off my mind
This time

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