When I was young, I have a lot of ambition, a lot of things that I want to do when I grow up. And now, I grew up, graduated from college and started to work for 3-4 years. Within these 3-4 years, I did not really change my mind. I still have passion to do complish those things I wanted to do. However, those things have been deducted one by one......
I wanted to earn enough money so that I could go abroad to study master....fail, shit, it's fucking hard to earn big money, I caculated it a little bit....the salary I had that time, to have enough money to study abroad, I need to work for 4 years without spending a cent.
I wanted to have my own aprartment....fail, shit, the price keeps going up and up. Never fall!!
I wanted to go all over the world as a great business woman .... half fail, shit, it's hard to get business already. Don't even mention to spend company's money to visit customers.
I wanted to get married and have kids as earlier as possible ... fail, lets say, I totally changed my mind. First, I had some bad experience for relationship. Second, my nephews and niece are so annoying. Thus, I am not expecting any of those by looking at what happened on me and my brothers....how tiring is that!
Therefore, I guess I really lose all those passion to do anything. I am not only getting older, but also my energy and spirite is all getting old, not moving any further!! Maybe I am getting much more useless than before. Nothing can motivate me and I have no energy to push myself to go anywhere. It's like I prefer everything just stays wherever it is, and then I will be happier!
I am not sad, I am not happy, I am not doing anything, I have no special emotion, I have no energy, I don't think I am capable to do anything, I don't want anything, I know nothing, and I am kinda plain....is it because I read a novel called "plain truth" now? Ha....I don't know. Maybe I am just out of my mind!!