What have been supporting me is gone today! I did not really have as big emtional reaction as last time, but it was just temporary. The time, I was occupied with loads of works, and then finally I broke down in the last min after I hanged in there for 15 hours.

I collapsd at the min after somebody came to ask "what happened to you?" I finally spoke out for what have happened to me for the last two weeks, and how much I have done for nothing. I worked over hours, I cut my hands, arms several times, I was threaten, and all of these things finally beated me down after I realized again that the support I thought I had all time is NEVER there for me.

At the moment I realized it's gone, I told myself that "you should know better, and see, you lie to myself again and again, so now, you should wake up". So, I woke up, and then the reality brought me down so easily.

I am not sure which one is more hurtful. Is it the pain/stress my work gives to me or is it because the support is gone? I just know....I cannot stop my tears since an hour ago.


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