Today is a funny day which I don't know what's really going on in there. Maybe it's a moon day, but for sure, the moon is not rounded in the very beginning of each month. Then, maybe I am just being too emotional.
It's been a month I have been back to Taiwan from China. Before I left China, I was in the stage of "cannot wait" any longer, and I anticipated how great shape I would be as long as I am in Taiwan. The moment I flew on the top of Taiwan, I cannot help myself to look outside of the window because I have never looked Taiwan from the top in the night time, and Taiwan is extremely beautiful than any country I have ever been. Lights made Taiwan look so beautiful and unforgettable which reminded me again that I will be just great as long as I am in Taiwan.
Waiting is the most painful thing for me. Whole my life the thing kills me the most is to wait, so I hate last minute date, I don't do things in the last minute, and I don't keep people waitiing for me. Somehow, I am kinda efficient, but mostly, I do so is try not to kill myself for too long.
A month waiting is not a fun thing to do and you can say it's really killing me a bit by a bit. Of course, looking for a job at this critical time isn't a good choice, but as I said, I have made a firm decision not to kill myself slowly in China (yes, I hate staying there). So, waiting for having an interview, waiting for the final result, and waiting for better chance/opportunity certainly can be a hard time for all of unemployees. For me, I totally agree it is no fun at all to spend whole day at home, stick my eyes on 104.com page, and make sure my ring tone of the cell phone is loud enough to yell me there is a phone call coming (I always have problem to notice my phone rings because I got used to the silence phone which means usually nobody will call me). So, all the annoying things put together and they do torture me a lot. At the same time, I also have to pretend that I am totally alright with it in front of everybody.
For God sake, it is not alright at all of course. I was supposed to have enough money to throw me to Canada for three months studying, but now it's all taken away. At least, I shall be able to take a trip to some other countries as what I do in the past four years, not just waste my off time sitting at home every fucking single day and wait for another interview. It totally sucks so nothing is okay with me, I am not fine at all!!!!
So today, I got this phone call of my arrogant aunt from Canada this morning. She is again asking for help from my dad. Anyways, she was acting so nice in an abnormal way to tell me "I forgot to tell you yesterday that if you want to come to Canada, you can just purchase a round-way ticket only, because I have everything here, and you don't have to worry anything, but fly yourself here." Yeah yeah yhea, since when you are so nice to us? I was suppoed to be that mean to her, but hell, what the hell is going on with me today? I almost bursted into tears for no reason!! (no wonder it's an odd day) So, here I am thinking what the fuck is going on with me? The result I only can come out is that maybe I really want to go to Canada, but I cannot. The end of case!
I have been praying today (just an expression coz I am a very religious person) that I hope there is a miracle to cheer me up by having an interview or whatever. Of course, God doesn't really hear my call most of the time, but Jesus, he hears me this time. I got this phone call (and now I feel I did a right thing to turn my phone in the biggest volume) this afternoon from a company I thought I will never have chance, because of my not-special performance in the interview. Dear Ms. Huang called and apoligized me to call me this late due to her working load. She wants me to go to have second interview with her boss (also her dad as I recalled) and would like to meet me tomorrow morning. I was pleased and of course, promised that I will be there on time!
After I put my phone down, I walked back and sit in front of my laptop. My tears came out with sorrow, because I have this feeling that I am going to lose something that I want for a long long time and maybe a very big possibility to never get it.
So, that's why I call today is an emotional day. I cried at the time I should just not give it a shit and I cried at the time I should be happy. Maybe I consider this crying with the wrong meaning, but it's truely an unusual thing to happened on me in this one particular day.
Now, just wish me luck and hope that my performance will be better tomorrow, and more important is to get a job before Chinese New Year. (breathe)