Since 2008, I cannot help to say, "I am old", from time to time. Am I old? According to the comment from those interviewers for the past 2~3 weeks, they all said "you are still so young". I supposed what they meant is "you don't have enough experience". Well, what the fuck, I don't care, but just need a job I will fall in love with. If they think in that way, the only thing I can do is to move on to the next one.
Well, two weeks ago, I went back to my elementary school to attend the 30th school celebration for my nephew, Nelson. He is actully in kindergarden, penguin class. The school didn't really change a lot, still those buildings and the same playground, but prettier. The celebration doesn't really have new activities, always the rolling big balls for youngest kids, dancing for each grade students, and running contest for higher grade students. However, I think it's much happier in our year, because we got to have seats around the playgroud to see every show, and we bring snacks to share with each other. Now, they don't let students sit around the playground, but put them in the classroom till it's time for them to perform.
It's been about 14 years I haven't got back to my elementary school (oops...now you may know my age), and somehow, I've became an aunt from a little student. When I stepped in to the school gate, a smart guy called me "miss, do you want to order the student's magazine?" (I am not parent...get lost!), but a stupid old lady called me "mommy, do you want to check this free student's magazine?" (what the fuck! watch your mouth old lady!) I cound't wonder that if I am really that old already? I guess I was as surprised as my dad when some nurse called him "grandpa" in his early 50th.
So am I old?
Last year, I found my thought changed.
- I started to believe that love isn't enough for marriage at all.
- I started to realize that having kids is a great responsibility, and I am probably too old to have kids. Think in this way, to raise a kid, you need to support him/her till he/her about 20, which means if I have this kid when I am 30, I have to work till 50 something. Man, I am gonna be very old, and I have to work for this kid till he/she has ability to earn money, and then probably I will be able to start to save my own money for the rest of my life. That's no fun!
- After you got married, you will also need to earn money to build your own home. Loan isn't an easy thing to solve. Usually, it will take you 10 or even 20, 30 years to pay back.
I meant why people need a marriage? Is it just because it helps you to move on to the next step of the normal life? And then, so that your life can be more completed? I was used to think in that way, but I am really not sure about it. Of course, life can be separated in different steps, but does it must be completed in this way? I do not think so. Thus, who knows? Maybe I will not get married, maybe I will not have a family of my own, maybe I will not have any kid, or maybe I will be just single for the rest of my life travelling around and enjoy the different cultures. Sure, no one will know what we will become in the future, so I guess it's better to focus more on present.
So, am I old? Maybe yes, maybe not. Lets say, "I have changed" to be more pratical!